Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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