it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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