You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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