I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
