Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
