Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
