we're chasing vodka with high fives
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
