I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if only i could text you this smell
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
