I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
