maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
