its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
