just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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