Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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