I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
