I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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