Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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