I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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