How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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