i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
