i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so let's talk penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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