Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
