He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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