I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
