So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
