I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
