this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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