I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
