You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
