Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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