I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My vagina just clenched in fear
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize