Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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