just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
this boner is exhausting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
