Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
