***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
