So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the day after is always just damage control
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
