that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize