sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
