how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
