There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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