He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
