fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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