she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
