Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were trust falling into bushes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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