new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
