There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
