If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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