He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
