Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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