Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
