it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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