I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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