Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
