I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
