You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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