if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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