i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
