the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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