Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize