Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
