No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
