you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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