I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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