WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
