His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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