so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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