Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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