i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
