i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
