i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
